Written by: Zhang Weijing, Principal of St. Wende Catholic Primary School

Children go to school at home, and mothers have to work from home, juggling housework and taking care of children at the same time. It is inevitable that they will feel very tired. The mother went to the living room and saw the children’s toys scattered all over the floor. But in fact, parents can use “love language” to teach their children to solve problems calmly and lovingly. I personally appreciate an advertisement for infant formula. At the beginning, a 2 or 3-year-old child walked around the house, moved many different types of toys to play on the muddy ground in the back garden, and brought mud and gravel into the house in the process. There are also toys that fall all over the floor. When my mother saw it, her face sank, and the war seemed to be about to break out. When the children saw their mother’s face, they also seemed to realize her mother’s anger. Unexpectedly, as soon as the camera turned, the mother took out a pair of “Snitch” glasses from behind and grimaced at the child. So the dark clouds dissipated, the mother and daughter huddled together, the original low pressure was burst with laughter, and the father hiding behind the curtains could rest assured and continue to “sigh” his coffee. Smart ad creators have taught us a lesson: Even worse things can have gratifying solutions.

Solving problems only depends on attitude

When are mothers most dissatisfied with their families? It’s not that you didn’t receive gifts on Mother’s Day, or that your husband and children forgot your birthdays, and it’s not that you prepared meals for your family—it’s that other members of the family arbitrarily put the original neatness after the hard work of the house. The living room is a mess! Do you all feel the same way? If the above happened to you, how would you deal with it? too noisy? Or scold the child and scold the husband? There was a mother who had been in the kitchen all morning and lunch was ready. When she went to the living room, she saw only toys all over the floor. After drinking a glass of cold water, she said to the child under 3 years old, “Ah! Have you played with all the toys on the floor?” The child smiled and nodded. “Mom has done a lot of housework and is very tired now. I need your help to put away the toys. Can you help my mother with this?” she said. The child happily started to pack up the toys.

observe, feel, need, request

This mother uses a very effective strategy to teach her child, and this strategy is “love language.” She first “observed” the situation and calmly understood the problem, instead of directly asserting that it was the child who messed up the living room. She then expressed her “feelings” at the time (mom was tired), then she clearly and frankly expressed her “needs” (put away the toys), and finally expressed her “requests” in a sincere manner, So the child can receive accurate information in her clear expression, know how to cooperate with the mother, and do not need to guess the reason for the mother’s anger. Family happiness must be managed deliberately, and every member of the family must integrate “love” into their lives. Love includes patience. In daily communication, we must observe calmly, express our feelings, ask for needs, and even express requests. Family members should avoid accusing each other and suspecting each other. If you have expectations, you should confess and express honestly and listen with concern through the above four elements. Family is a combination of “love”. The word “love” seems simple, but in fact it is ever-changing and migrates over time. It is like a seed that needs to be irrigated and cultivated by those who love it. It is true that children are sometimes difficult to teach, but as long as we are willing to let go of our own prejudices and create a non-violent communication method such as “love language”, parents and children will surely achieve harmony and happiness.

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